What Your Breakfast Says About You

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Who doesn’t like to learn more about themselves on a day to day basis, even if the information learnt isn’t particularly life changing? Like when you see a feature on TV about bottom readers which are like palm readers but… different (you have to love This Morning for ground-breaking news), or when you read an article about how your choice of nail varnish colour can be the secret to your success. It’s always fun to do and passes the time on a commute. So if you’re bored of staring at that woman across from you having a text argument with her partner and not realising she’s making angry noises, or you’re needing something a little light to keep you entertained while you wait for a client to turn up, have a read of this article, it could change your life (it won’t).

© Clemens v. Vogelsang
© Clemens v. Vogelsang

What your breakfast choice says about you:



Meeeeeeat, give me greasy, delicious smelling meeeeeat. If you’re a bacon Brian, you’re likely to be completely on it when it comes to life. You know what the deal is, you’re not messing around with any fancy antioxidants or goji matcha quinoa sprouted porridge – you want protein in your face, right now. So it’s likely people see you as a leader, someone to look up to, someone who knows his stuff. You’re the hunter – you’re the leader – you are bacon Brian.

Breakfast Biscuits

You’re the yoyo dieter, the lover of all things easy, the embracer of anything that gives you an extra 2 seconds in bed. You like to roll out of bed, comb your hair, splash some water on your face, get dressed and have a nap on the way in to work. You’re all about that biscuit getting in your mouth and doing it’s job. It’s likely you’re always at work just on time but never early, and you’re a lover of all things convenient. You’re not exactly organised, but you do know how to complete tasks efficiently if not a little haphazardly.

A Breakfast Burrito / Chia Seed Porridge / Quinoa Pudding / Green Smoothie

You’re a hipster, you’re a cool guy, you’re the new kid on the block. You eat street food and appreciate different ‘cultures’. You wear a jazzy tie and vintage jacket – your bag is a beaten brown leather satchel. You like to mix it up and you LOVE people to look at what you’re eating for breakfast. You’re a bit of an attention seeker, a bit of an entertainer, a lover of the land of Instagram breakfast pictures. You’re a trendsetter and the people you work with either think you’re a genius, or a pretentious moron.

A Breakfast Sarnie

If you like an entire fry up slapped between two slices of carb, you’re a pretty clever so and so. You know classic fry ups are something to behold, and you know that getting all your vital protein joy between two slices of thick white is the way to go. You’re the intelligent person in the office, the one others are jealous of as they nibble on their feeble wilted toast while you chow down on a monster breakfast bap getting yolk down your knowledgeable face.


OMG you’re so cute! You’re Peter Pan! You still want to be six, holding your ear to the bowl listening to it crackling and popping. OK, so maybe you’re a bit gross and say baby words like ‘it’s feezing’ or ‘aww no it’s bwoken’ – but that’s OK, people love you for it. Sure some people don’t get it, but others either want to be your friend or want to mother you because you’re just as cute as a button.


Coffee is everyone’s secret lover. Perks us up in the morning, keeps us up at night. Coffee makes people feel excited, which is why if you drink coffee in the morning for breakfast, you’re basically the caffeine of the office. You’re the one who wakes people up, and makes them feel instantly better. You are the morning person people love, cherish and need.


You’re as straight edge as they come. You know how long your toast needs to be in for it to be perfect. Too long and it’s just too crispy, not long enough and the butter will not melt adequately. You’re the guy with the ironed shirts, the pen holder, the perfect posture, the economical car – you’re dependable, reliable and predictable. You do toast because – it’s the practical choice.


Remember, this article is just a bit of fun so if we have happened to get you completely right based on your breakfast choice, you’re welcome/ sorry about that. Have a great day!

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